Virgin is kinda goofy lol

but maybe I love it

Hi party people! Welcome to my opinions on Lorde’s new album Virgin. My fancy, full-paragraph thoughts are here, in You are not Lorde, and you never have been.

For my casual and fun thoughts, in no particular order:

• I think the merch for this album is BAD.

  • I KNOW MERCH IS NOT THE ALBUM AND THIS IS A VERY CONSUMERIST PLACE FOR ME TO START. But I had to get it off my chest.

    

  • There’s too much internet chatter about Lorde being influenced by Charli xcx on Virgin (which I don’t think holds up with the music at all), but the merch is the one place where I’m like yeahhh…we should’ve moved past the BRAT playbook.

• On the other visuals…I like the use of Times New Roman, I like the simple web design, I like the vinyl variations and the clear CD (even if it’s maybe unplayable #awkward). I think the cover is neat and I don’t have anything to say about the explicit vinyl insert, except that for all the hubbub, I don’t think it’s that cool of a photo.

• “Hammer” and “What Was That” haven’t grown on me yet.

  • I think “Hammer” is much stronger in the context of the album, but it’s still my least favorite opener of her four albums.

  • Lorde has better upbeat bops in her discography than “What Was That,” but I don’t have anything bad to say about it.

• I might be missing something with “Shapeshifter”.

  • I love the strings, I love I become her again / visions of a teenage innocence. The bridge is great.

  • But the repetition in the chorus is boring! I’ve been I’ve been I’ve been,,, okay!

  • During press, Lorde spoke about loving “Please Forgive Me” by David Gray. I think this inspiration/appreciation comes through most directly in “Shapeshifter”.

    • If you really love “Shapeshifter”, “Please Forgive Me” is worth a play.

• Lorde continues to love recreational drug use, and she continues to love to sing about it. Sex, also. She really sings about sex on this album.

• “Man of the Year” maintains Lorde’s streak of fantastic ballads.

  • The music video for this track is perhaps her best music video of all time.

  • HOW I HOPE THAT I’M REMEMBERED, MY / GOLD CHAIN, MY SHOULDERS, MY FACE IN THE LIGHT, OH

• “Favourite Daughter” and “Current Affairs” are both extremely good.

  • *chef’s kiss* to both, in all ways.

  • Except oops why is she singing about the Pamela Anderson sex tape?

    • Yeahhh, I’m anti-this. It’s disturbing to think that Lorde’s Complex Womanhood Album will always be marred by the mention of watching something that “can’t put a monetary number on the amount of pain and suffering it caused”.

      • Maybe the messiness is part of what makes it interesting? But women can have complex relationships with their selfhood and sexuality without harming other women.

• AND SPEAKING OF MESSY. Do we all know that Virgin’s co-producer Jim-E Stack left his girlfriend of six-and-a-half years for Lorde during the making of this album? The powerpoint needs an update.

• “Clearblue” gets better with every listen.

  • It kind of makes me want to turn off Virgin for Imogen Heap every time I hear it, but the lyrics are visceral and strong.

• I think “GRWM” is the dorkiest song Lorde has ever made.

  • I really can’t deal with it. Why does she sing “woman” like that? WHY DOES SHE PUT THE EMPHASIS ON THE SECOND SYLLABLE.

  • This song is like when Taylor Swift tries to rap. The way she sings my mama’s trauma is SO goofy. I’m so sorry. I actually like the lyrics when I read them. But then I listen to the song and I just can’t cope.

• And on that note, I think Virgin is Lorde’s Jon Bellion album.

  • Look. I don’t know when you last listened to The Definition or The Human Condition, but I’m onto something here. I don’t have enough music knowledge to use the right synth terms or connect the right drum loops, but even when I played Virgin in the car for my mom, she went “it sounds like that guy you used to play in high school”.

    • WE INDEPENDENTLY HAD THIS SAME THOUGHT.

  • I know, I know. Modern pop music is all very similar, so there’s nothing especially Jon Bellion about Virgin—everything’s just pulling from the same references and instrumentation. But I’m telling you.

    • If you looove Virgin and you’ve never heard Jon Bellion, you should go give that guy a try.

I’m doing music journalism, Mom!

Listen, I think Lorde is a writer and a poet. I respect her lyricism more than any pop star working today. But it’s possible that the pretentious rich girl MDMA woo-woo celebrity brain has started to infect some of her word choices. In my opinion. And I know she was going for “rawness” and “vulnerability” with this record, but what can I say? I hold her to high standards. Here are the goofy lyrics that take me out of this album:

• don’t know if it’s love or if it’s ovulation - “Hammer”

  • From Lorde’s interview in Rolling Stone: “I’ve now come to see [my decision] as maybe some quasi right-wing programming,” she admits, presumably referring to years of far-right influencers pushing anti-contraception disinformation. “But I hadn’t ovulated in 10 years. And when I ovulated for the first time, I cannot describe to you how crazy it was. One of the best drugs I’ve ever done.” PLEASE.

• the liquid crystal is in my grip - “Hammer”

• like new from my recent ego death - “Man of the Year”

• your metal detector hits my precious treasure - “Clearblue”

• maybe you’ll finally know who you want to be / a grown woman in a baby tee - “GRWM”

—

• “Broken Glass” reminds me of Ethereal Island from My Singing Monsters.

is this reference too niche

• “If She Could See Me Now” is one of the best songs Lorde has ever made, and I will not be taking questions.

  • Every internet ranking I’ve seen has ranked this song absurdly low.

  • It’s the perfect synthesis of all her previous work while being entirely of and for Virgin.

  • as for me, I’m going back to the clay is an all-time favorite lyric of mine, ever.

  • It’s the “Perfect Places” of Virgin. It’s her God anthem. No further explanation.

• “David” is such an outro.

  • I know the internet people adore this one, but it’s hard for me to imagine listening to it independent of the album.

  • tell it to the rock doves / sing it to the fountain is stunning.

Okay, those are my notes! On Virgin, Lorde pulls at the strands from the earliest days in her career while delivering something totally new. Womanhood, the uncertainty of one’s mid-twenties, the grit and sensuality that comes with rediscovering oneself through a breakup. She’s finding herself in her body and in the song, and she’s inviting us to feel everything along with her.

Idk if it’s my favorite Lorde album and idk about my song rankings. I don’t care!!! We’re lucky enough to be living with new Lorde music this summer! Let’s just listen to the album and grow with the music and let the music grow with us! Happy “If She Could See Me Now” to all who observe!!!